Family to Family Adoptions Inc, Adoptive Families, Birth Mothers

We adopted our oldest son, Jonah, just over three years ago at his birth.  When Jonah was eighteen months old, my husband Harris and I were just a couple of months away from beginning the home study to adopt our second child when we were astounded to learn that I was pregnant.   Jonah watched as my belly grew, he felt the baby moving around in my tummy, and he understood that his little brother was in there.  Our second child was born when Jonah was twenty-seven months old.

Just before he turned three, he asked me, “Mama, where do I come from?”  So I told him, not for the first time, that he was born in Texas, just like me.  He was quiet for a minute and then he said, “But Mama, who was there?”  We’ve talked about adoption a lot and we’ve read many kids’ books about adoption, so he knows the general idea, but this was the first time that he expressed an understanding that he’s adopted.   Here’s what I told him:

You remember that before you were born, Daddy and I didn’t have a baby and I was so sad because I really, really wanted a baby to love.  You know that I cried every day because I needed a baby so bad.  Well, there was a lady in Texas who had a baby growing in her tummy – that baby was you.  One day that lady called me and said, “I understand that you want to be a mommy.  I have a baby growing in my tummy and I want you to be his mommy.  But you have to promise to love him and take good care of him.”  So I promised her that Daddy and I would love you and take good care of you and that I would be your mommy and that Daddy would be your daddy.  So Daddy and I went to Texas and we talked to the lady and the next day, we all went to the hospital and you were born.

That seemed to satisfy him for a while.  Then yesterday in the car, he brought it up again.  This time, he started with, “Mama, how do they make cows?”  I clarified, “Do you mean, ‘where do baby cows come from?’  Baby cows grow inside the mama cows’ tummies, just like people do.”  Jonah said, also not for the first time, “I growed in your tummy!”   I gently told him, “No, remember, you grew in another lady’s tummy and then I got to be your mommy.”  Because Jonah’s birth mother is so wonderful, I also was able to tell him that when he was in J.’s tummy, I saw him moving around and I felt him kicking and pushing on her just like he saw and felt his little brother pushing on me from the inside.

Without batting an eye, my little boy said, “And when I was in your tummy, I hugged you.”

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I’m learning that for a three year-old, the line between reality and magic is very fine– the world is like a fairy tale.  In my son’s three year-old mind and heart, he knows that he grew in someone else’s tummy, but he also knows that he was hugging me before he was born.  I plan to make sure that he always knows both of those things.

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Talking to children about adoption adds to their understanding of the world, whether they are adopted or not. This kind of conversation can be a great gift to your child. Even a simple outline of the adoption process can open their eyes to new thoughts about relationships in their lives.

Have you thought of what you will tell your child when he/she asks about being adopted? Have you thought about how you will explain to your child the process of adoption and what it means to be adopted? I was faced with this question from my six year old daughter this week. A new article titled “Talking With Your Child About Adoption” was added to the site regarding this and I hope you find it helpful. I look forward to any comments or ideas on how you have talked with your child about adoption.

What does Thanksgiving make you think about?  As an adoptive mother it brings tears to my eyes to think about the gratitude in my heart that I have for a very special lady that allowed one of my biggest dreams to come true…the dream of being a mom! There were several years that we attended family Thanksgiving celebrations and would hear comments like, “when are you going to start your family” or “you guys sure are taking your time.” We had not shared with them the deep desire to grow our family and the trials we were going through at that very moment in time!  After a few years it was clear that adoption was the answer to growing our family.  We were very excited for the first time in a long time that we could become three!


When we first spoke with Family to Family the ladies there were nice and so understanding! It was amazing.  It was not long before we were matched and our Princess was born in the fall of that year.  In our situation we do not have regular communication with the lady that I hold dear to my heart, our daughters birthmother, but there is not a single day that goes by that she doesn’t cross my mind. I am so thankful to her for the opportunity to be a mom.

When Thanksgiving comes around the daily thoughts turn into regular tears, I honestly think there are not enough words of gratitude that could ever express what I have in my heart for this wonderful lady.  I know that each day we are to be thankful, and I am, but Thanksgiving time puts a whole new perspective into my heart and mind.  I am thankful for Family to Family and the A+ services they offer, and also to the lady that gave our Princess life and allowed us to become parents through that choice!

Adoption Learning Partners just released a new training course called Ain’t Misbehavin’. It is a course in identifying factors that cause behavior problems and teaches adoptive parents the most effective ways to handle them. You can find the course information on the website for Adoption Learning Partners.

A reminder that as an adoptive family with Family to Family Adoptions, training hours are required and this course would count towards the required number. If you have questions about training please contact Family to Family.

Tapestry Books has information for all members of the adoption triad including children’s books. The books are helpful for both adoptive families and for birthmothers and for domestic and international adoption. They even have books to help you get started on that Lifebook for your child. If you are looking for some more information on the adoption process, check them out online.

Summer is officially here and with the temperatures being extremely hot and rising it is important to remember to be safe. The Texas Department of Family and Protective Services has record of one of the most potential summer accidents…..drownings. This year alone 50 children have been reported to have drowned with most of these incidents occurring around holidays and summer months. Please keep an eye on children near and in water including swimming pools, lakes, rivers, hot tubs, and bath tubs. It is essential to take every precaution necessary and be as safe as possible. If you live near a body of water or have a pool, you should have safety procedures in place and your child should have proper instruction in water safety and swimming lessons. Have a safe and fun summer!

Have you started a Lifebook yet for your child? Are you interested in creating one and not sure where to start or what to include? Adoption Learning Partners is offering their Lifebook course free of charge for the month of May. You can visit their website for details at www.adoptionlearningpartners.org. A Lifebook is a fun way to document your adopted child’s biological family history and adoption process.

As many of you know there have been confirmed cases of Swine Flu in Texas and in other parts of the United States. There is useful information on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) website for any concerns you have regarding Swine Flu. As a parent you should know the symptoms associated with Swine Flu and take precautions for your family.

Symptoms of the Swine Flu are similar to those of the regular or seasonal flu and include fever, lethargy, lack of appetite, and coughing. Some people have also reported runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. If anyone in your household experiences flu-like symptoms they should see a doctor right away. Please do not take a sick child to school or daycare.

To protect yourself, use good health habits including covering your mouth and nose when you cough, wash your hands often, and avoid close contact with people who are sick. Other good health habits to practice would be getting plenty of sleep, being physically active, managing your stress, drinking plenty of fluids, and eating nutritiously.

If you suspect that yourself or someone close to you might have Swine Flu please seek immediate medical attention. Please take care of yourselves and your children.

Many parents have opted for an amended vaccination schedule or have decided not to have their child vaccinated at all. It is important to follow the recommended shot schedule for your child. The vaccines that your child receives have all been studied and approved and are continuing to be researched to ensure that they are safe for every child.

The website for the American Academy of Pediatrics at http://www.cispimmunize.org/ outlines the schedule of vaccines and other areas of concern around the vaccination schedule. For some parents the concern is the idea of having their child vaccinated might cause them to become autistic.

Most research and statistics indicate that there is no link between vaccinations and autism but having your child vaccinated, even on an amended schedule, will prevent your child from becoming seriously ill with any of the diseases that vaccines are used to prevent. Consult your child’s pediatrician to discuss any concerns that you might have regarding vaccines and your child.

The number of children with food allergies is on the rise. Most schools and daycares have banned peanut and milk products in these settings. It is important once your child has been diagnosed with a food allergy to keep medication on hand and be sure to read the labels for possible allergens. Also educate your child’s caregivers and friends to your child’s allergy so that they are aware of the risks. Remember too that even if your child does not have any allergies, your child’s friends, relatives and peers might so be cautious and always check with a child’s parent first if you are unsure. Some children will outgrow any food allergies as they age, but for some a food allergy can be potentially fatal. Having your child tested for allergies is usually recommended by a pediatrician if there is a history of food allergies in the family or if a child has been diagnosed to having an allergic reaction to a certain food or ingredient and want to be sure as the child ages that the child still has this allergy. Talk with your child’s pediatrician if you are not sure if your child has any allergies or shows sign of an allergic reaction. If your child is adopted and the family history of food allergies is unknown, it is usually recommended to not start solids until the child is at least six months old and/or to maybe have your child tested for any allergies when the doctor feels it might be necessary.