Family to Family Adoptions Inc, Adoptive Families, Birth Mothers

Open adoptions have become the norm today according to a report cited in the Houston Chronicle on March 21. According to this report, “only about 5 percent of infant adoptions in the U.S. now take place without some ongoing relationship between birth parent and adoptive family”.

While open adoptions are more popular, and provide many benefits to the families involved and to the adopted children, there are many problems encountered with the process due to mis-matched expectations as to the degree of post adoption contact. If you are interested in learning more about an open adoption, be sure to read our description of the open adoption process to prepare yourself for what you might encounter.

From time to time, we hear from people that we have worked with, and we like to pass that communication along to share with others who find themselves in similar situations. We recently got the following messages from Sydney, who we worked with some time ago to help her with her situation. Her first message talks about how she experienced her first contact with us. The second one is from a later period in her life, when she is looking back on how things have changed for her and her family.

I first contacted Fam2Fam in 2002- I was pregnant, alone & scared. Already a mother of a 2yr old son & struggling to make ends meet at age 21. I called the number, explained my situation & expected to hear the stranger on the other end of the phone to hang-up or at least laugh. But she sympathized, she listened & understood. Reassured me everything was going to be alright, and that she was there to listen and help me.

H E L P.. Because that’s what I needed! Nobody knew the details of my story or the situation I was in, But these ladies on the other end of the phone were willing to HELP me. And as the conversation went on, I felt the weight lifting off my shoulders & suddenly things seemed like they were going to be O.K.

… and here is the second note,

I placed a child for adoption, with a family in 2002. I was young and already a single mother of a 2yr old son. A lot of questions went through my head during the process about what will my son think when he gets old enough to wonder and ask questions. Here it is 2012, and not only does my son know about the adoption process and well aware of his biological brother –but they have a relationship. They stay in touch through Facebook, emails, phone calls and the occasional gifts on holidays/birthdays. We were blessed to have chosen a family that also kept their son they adopted aware of us, his biological family and the adoption in general. We have spent family vacations together and shared several laughs. It is truly a wonderful relationship. We get to watch as they each grow up & share their experiences. And although raised in two different parts of the country and in different settings, they both share such similarities. The way they giggle, the sports they enjoy, even the foods they eat.. They have that brotherly connection and always will.

My experience with Family 2 Family is almost a fairy-tale one, I was treated with the up most respect & care and never once felt obligated or pressured into the adoption. When asked about my 2cents worth- I say sit down & get comfy, because ive got a plenty of positive comments about Adoption & Family 2 Family!

We are so happy when we get notes like this because it shows us that the effort and care that we put into every situation we encounter really does pay off and make a difference in the lives that we touch.

If placing a child is something you are considering, read over some of the points you should think about to see if adoption is right for you. We also provide information on the birth mother process, and, as you can see from Sydney’s story, we are happy to talk with you on the phone to help you understand what we can do to help you.

you can write to us through our website or call and let’s talk

1-800-385-6301

We recently received a very rewarding note from a new couple looking for an opportunity to build their family. This is how the email message began (names and location have been changed to protect privacy):

“My name is Sharon, and I am good friends with Joe and his partner, Bill, from Atlanta. They adopted Chalon from you 18 months ago, and have not stopped raving about your agency!”

This is the kind of thing we love to see when we open our mailbox in the morning! It tells us that we have achieved a successful placement for a couple who needs help in creating the kind of family they want, and that we have found a home for a child who might otherwise have a very uncertain future.

We are proud of our position that no one should be restricted from adoption solely due to age, religion, income or sexual orientation. We are also very pleased that our clients have been so happy with our services and support that they talk to their friends about us to spread the word. There is no better recommendation than one from someone who has worked with you to accomplish their goals! Fortunately, we have received numerous testimonials from such people in the past.

If you are a Mother looking for a placement for your child, look at our description of birthmother services to see whether we might be the right fit for your situation and your child.

We have just affiliated with a service that allows users to earn money while looking at ads. This service also allows our friends to donate the money they earn directly to us at Family to Family to support our programs and services.

The concept is simple! Advertisers will pay to get information about you so that they can direct their ads to people who are more likely to be interested in them. With this feature, you tell them about yourself and what you are interested in, so that advertisers who are interested in people like you can send you their ads. The big difference here is that instead of paying people who have collected information about you, the advertisers will pay you!

Another nice element of this feature is that you have the option of donating some or all of the money they will pay you to Family to Family to support our programs and services.

The process is easy, just click on the button in the box above to “Sign Up”. When you get there, create a user name and password. Then you will be taken to a screen where you can enter information about yourself. Then you can begin getting ads targeted to you, and begin collecting money from the advertisers!

For a fuller description of how the whole thing works (it really is pretty easy!!), go to the YouData website and watch their video.

When you opt for private infant adoption, your process may be a little different than if you were going through international placement or placement from foster care, but the emotional roll-a-coaster effect is still present. In foster care placement as well as international placement, after you have qualified, had your home study, processed all of the paperwork, then usually a child will be ‘referred’ to you for placement. Naturally, you have the right to refuse a referral, but the average person doesn’t. In private infant adoption, the birth mother and/or birth father choose the adoptive family.

Today, almost all birth mothers want a semi-open or open adoption rather than a closed adoption with the adoptive family. Because of today’s recommended best practices, almost all agencies allow the birth mother to choose the family she wants as parents for her baby. Studies by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute in Washington D.C. have shown that the more open the adoption, the better it is for the adoptee, the birth family and the adoptive parents as well. That is a hard concept to get your mind around when you are rebounding from years of failed infertility treatments and you have watched too many ‘adoption stories’ on the Lifetime Channel. But it is true.

Most adoptions are completed without any problems and the adoptive family and birth family forge a real bond and a lifelong relationship. However, you don’t know how your process will proceed when you begin this challenging and emotional experience. I recommend that you opt for a semi-open adoption to begin with and leave the door open for a more open adoption if it is possible. A semi-open adoption is one in which you meet the birth family and are given an opportunity to develop a close bond and relationship with each other and attend the birth of your child. This type of relationship may include your extended family as well as the birth family’s extended family. The difference in this type of adoption and a fully open adoption is no identifying information is exchanged by the parties. I hope and pray that you will wind up with an open adoption in which you and the birth family have exchanged identifying information and are contacting each other directly and maybe even meeting periodically so your child and any siblings can learn about each other. But you don’t know if that is possible in the beginning of the relationship. The openness of your adoption can be increased as time goes on.

In our agency, a full 25% of our adoptive families and birth families have opened their adoption to include the exchange of last names and identifying information by the actual birth of the child. In most of those cases, the birth mother puts the name the adoptive family has chosen for the child as well as their last name on the baby’s birth certificate. In many cases, the adoptive family and their extended family members as well as the birth family and their extended family members are present at the birth and spend hours or days together making memories for the sake of the child they all love.

Even if they don’t have a fully open adoption from birth, another 20% of our adoptive families are able to grow their relationship with the birth family into a fully open relationship within the first two or three years. So our anecdotal experience is that roughly ½ of our placements are fully open eventually. This is not perfect, but we feel that it respects the needs and wishes of all parties involved.

If a mother matches with a family and is unable to make that attachment and bond with them for some reason, she may ask for a rematch. Also, we have families who for one reason or another have agreed to a match under circumstances in which they find impossible to continue and have asked for a rematch. Our agency believes that you and the birth mother are the only people who have a right to make decisions about what type of an adoption you want. Occasionally, a mismatch will happen. That is fine. We will be glad to rematch both parties, because this adoption is about them and the baby, not our agency or our time line constraints or our cash flow or our ego. It’s about you as the parents, both biological and adoptive, and most importantly the child.

The scenario I have described is a wonderful process to watch from the outside as well as to live from the inside. The only way to achieve this type of adoption is to take time with the decision making process. Don’t be rushed into a decision and don’t be afraid to voice concerns about the situation. My experience tells me that if you are having concerns about the birth mother and the openness of the adoption, then she is too. When both parties are participating in the type of adoption and placement that they need and want, then very little else can go wrong.

We just received a nice “Thank You” from one of the grantees helped by our program. We often get such testimonials from our clients and we always appreciate hearing how we have helped someone.

In this case, our client did not use our services to place her baby, but she did qualify for the education grant that we make available. This is only a small example of the various kinds of support we can offer to our birth mother clients.

From time to time, we come across references to our services on the web where people are talking about us. We recently found a post on another blog, in response to a question on that blog, that referred to our services. Here is the response, just as posted on the site:

“My husband and I have a daughter that we adopted through an adoption agency calledFamily To Family Adoptions Inc. they were wonderful to work through.

We had already completed our homestudy through an independant agent. With a homestudy they do background checks, ask you and your spouse lots of questions, make sure your house meets safety standards.

Once we called the agency we filled out an application, and they then presented out to expecting mothers. Once one of the mothers picked us, we were and waited for our daughter to be born. However, we only waited a week, because her birthmother was at the end of her pregnancy.

With the profile, it will consist of a letter you write to the birthmother, it is called the Dear Birthmother. There will also be pictures of you and your family, maybe your house, pets, etc.  This profile needs to help the birthmother know you just by reading it.

In some cases the birthmother will want to meet before the birth, sometimes birthmother will never want to meet you.

FOSTER CARE

To become foster parents you need to take a course provided by the state to receive a liscense. In many states this course is called PRIDE Classes. Parents Resources for Information, Development, and Education. There will be between 30-35 hours of class time plus homework. The state will then have a homestudy done for you the same way you would for the adoption agency.

Once everything is cleared they will send you your liscense and you will be able to start fostering. With the time your case worker is with you you will have figured out how many children you can care for and what ages you would like to work with.

Adoptions prices can be $ 17000 to $ 30000

There will almost always be an aplication fee but NEVER pay more that $ 500 for that fee.

Our adoption cost was about $ 17000 to the agency, then about $ 700 for lawyer fees to finalize the adoption.

Foster care just cost the time you invest in it. We are also starting the adoption process through foster care and that is just going to cost lawyer fees for finalization.

Our adoption agency is Family To Family Adoptions Inc and their website is fam2fam.org or phone number 281-342-4042

Good Luck!”

This is the unedited posting. We chose to re-post it because it is one of several responses to the question and is a little hard to find on the other blog.

We always place great emphasis on making our clients feel as comfortable with us and the adoption process as we possibly can. It is rewarding to us when our clients express their thanks in notes to us about their experience. We have posted a few of the notes we have received over the years on our site as “Testimonials from Adoptive Families” and “Testimonials from Birthmothers“.