We are beginning our 11th year placing newborns with wonderful adoptive parents and as the children grow up, the questions and updates we receive from their parents are changing with the children’s developmental age. We recently got an update from an adoptive mom who is wondering how much her cherished daughter looks like the birth mother….with time the picture of the biological mother in the mind’s eye of the adoptive mother is fading and she can’t quite bring it into focus now. The adoptive mom states how much she regrets not getting pictures when she met the birth mother….but she didn’t think about it at the time.
The process of meeting the birth family is such an emotional experience for some families that even though we encourage them to keep their cameras handy, the family fails to take pictures. You may never get another chance to preserve this information for your child.
We encourage adoptive families and birth families to develop a relationship during each and every moment they are together so that over time trust can build up. The liklihood of the biological families staying in contact with you or the agency increases the closer to each other you become. We realize it is scary during this part of the process, but it is through that relationship as a new entity…the Extended Adoptive Family…that the real needs of the adoptive child can be met. All adoptees want to know what their biological parents looked like and what dreams and wishes the biological parent had for them at placement. You only get one chance to learn that information and even though you think you will never forget…..all experiences fade with age and you can’t quite bring it into focus anymore. Please document each meeting with your child’s biological family members each time you meet and through out the process…..it may be the only chance you get to preserve that for your child.
We recently received an email update from a former adoptive family to let us know they had moved to another state. She recounted that the precocious 4 1/2 year old she adopted as a newborn through us is now the tallest in her class with a great sense of humor, a beautiful smile and loves to sing and dance. In fact, when her Pre-K teacher recently asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up, she cheerfully replied that she wanted to be President of the United States and after that she wants to be a Ninja Turtle!
Which one would she be?
She was putting us on notice to watch for this bright little girl as a future President and to be on the watch for her political career!
We love to get updates from families because we can share in the joys and triumphs that these babies are experiencing in their forever homes with their mommies and/or daddies. These types of updates reinforce the staff and me for the next year’s work and show us that it is all worth it.
I wanted to share a letter we received about a year ago from a young woman who placed her son with us in June 2005. She is now married and has a great job and all around great life. This is not an unusual story and many birth families find resolution and happiness after placement if they have the right support and treatment from the agency they have chosen to help them through this process.
“I know I am so lucky to have so many people in my life that are so understanding. At first, my mom and family were super upset that I didn’t tell them about the baby and the adoption until after the fact. I couldn’t…they would have tried to interfere and I knew I was doing the right thing. They’ve since become very supportive. They know I did this out of love. I don’t feel ashamed like I did before. Instead, I’m proud of the sacrifice I made so that my baby could have a better life.
I’ve recommended your agency…but they chose to go through with an abortion. Seeing them through what they did, made me all the more grateful that my situation unfolded the way it did.
Sometimes I think about the baby and I’m a little sad…but I know that’s just life. Things don’t always turn out the way you plan them to. But I do believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason. I love my life now…I have a great life…I couldn’t ask for anything else. Thank you and your agency for all that you’ve done for me and my family…all of us. I really love you guys!!!!” H…placed June 2005
Many of our birth mothers have thanked us for how we have helped them in the adoption process and we have posted a few of their comments on our site as “Birth Mother Testimonials“.
Thankfully, creating your family through adoption is now a fully accepted practice in our society. But, birth mothers who place their child for adoption may still have some reservations about their child’s full acceptance in the adoptive family. The best way to prevent a biological parent from having to worry about the decision and sacrifice she made for her child is to contact the biological family as you agreed.
Birth parents in the 21st Century expect to be able to see the child they placed for adoption grow up through a variety of ways. There is always the tried and true method of contacting each other through the agency or attorney if they offer that on-going service, but in the 21st Century, there are many, many other choices. Social media has revolutionized the ability of birth parents and adoptive parents to share news and pictures of the child they both love. Family websites can be password protected so that only people who should have access, have the access. Twitter and Facebook offer almost instantaneous communication.
It is very important for both the adoptive family and the birth family to be able to share photos and information about the child that they both love.
Family to Family Adoptions began placing domestic newborns in January 2002 and our statistics through December 2008 show that we have placed 232 babies and created 232 wonderful adoptive families.
- 43% of those children were Full Caucasian
- 16% were Hispanic/Caucasian
- 16% were Full Hispanic
- 1% were Caucasian/Asian
- 2% were Native American
- 11% were Caucasian/African American
- 2% were Hispanic/African American
- 8% were Full African American
- 12% of our families have adopted a second child through Family to Family
- 1% of our families have adopted a third child through Family to Family